When the Heart Carries Too Much: The Connection Between Emotional Wellbeing and Immune Health
What if caring for our immune health also means paying attention to what our hearts have been carrying? We often think about immune health in terms of nutrition, supplements, exercise, and protecting ourselves from illness. These are important pieces of the wellness puzzle. But there is another part of our wellbeing that deserves attention: The connection between our emotional experiences, our nervous system, and the way our bodies respond to stress. Our bodies and emotions are not separate systems. They communicate constantly. And sometimes, the experiences we carry through life can affect us in ways we don’t fully recognize until our bodies ask us to slow down.
I know this because it became part of my own story,
When Life Keeps Asking You to Be Strong
In my sixties, I began experiencing a series of life events that would profoundly affect me. First came shingles. Then came my husband’s Parkinson’s diagnosis, followed by my sister’s breast cancer diagnosis. I lost my mother to colon cancer, and just on year later, I lost my sister, my best friend, to breast cancer.
Each experience brought its own fears, responsibilities, uncertainty, and grief. I was navigating the challenges of illness in the people I loved most while trying to remain strong and keep moving forward.
As women, many of us become very good at doing just that. We care for our families, support our loved ones, manage responsibilities, and carry on. We may put our own feelings aside because someone else needs us. We tell ourselves we’ll deal with our grief later, rest when things settle down, or find time for ourselves when everyone else is okay.
But what happens when life doesn’t settle down? What happens when one difficult experience follows another, leaving little room to process the last before the next begins?
For me, this season of life became intertwined with my experience of long COVID. I struggled with the physical effects and the challenge of feeling like myself again. Looking back, I recognize how much emotional weight I was carrying alongside my physical symptoms.
I cannot say that my grief caused my long COVID. Long COVID is a complex condition with biological mechanisms researchers are still working to understand. But my experience opened my eyes to the importance of considering the whole person, not just the symptoms we see, but also the emotional experiences that shape our lives.
I began to understand that I had been through a tremendous amount of loss, fear, and change. I needed to give myself permission to acknowledge it.
Sometimes, being strong means admitting that we have been carrying too much for too long.
What Does Emotional Stress Have to Do With Immune Balance?
Our immune system is an extraordinary network designed to defend us against infections, respond to threats, and help our bodies recover. In autoimmune diseases, immune activity mistakenly targets the body’s own tissues. These conditions have complex causes involving genetic, environmental, and other biological factors.
Although emotional stress does not simply cause autoimmune disease, researchers have found a meaningful connection between psychological stress and immune function.
When we experience stress, the brain communicates with the nervous system and hormonal pathways to prepare the body to respond. This is a normal survival mechanism. However, prolonged stress can influence hormonal signaling, immune activity, inflammation, sleep, and other processes that contribute to overall health.
Brief and emotional distress can also affect sleep, appetite, energy, relationships, and our capacity to care for ourselves. Over time, these changes can influence how we feel and function.
This is not about blaming ourselves for becoming ill or suggesting that a positive attitude can cure disease. It is about recognizing that our emotional wellbeing deserves attention as part of comprehensive healthcare.
Our bodies need nourishment, movement suited to our abilities, restorative sleep, appropriate medical care, and opportunities to recover from stress. We also need connection, compassion, and space to process life’s difficult experiences.
The question becomes: How can we support ourselves through what we cannot always control?
The Moment I Looked in the Mirror
One of the most important turning points in my healing journey began with a declaration I made to myself while looking in the mirror. I looked at my reflection and said:
“Their story is not my story.”
Those words became a line in the sand for me.
I had watched people I loved face serious illness. I had experienced the fear of diagnoses, the pain of losing my mother, and the heartbreak of losing my sister and best friend. It was understandable that those experiences could shape my thoughts about my own health and future.
But I began to recognize that I needed to separate the stories I had witnessed from the story I was still living.
My loved ones’ experiences were real. My grief was real. My fear was understandable. And I could honor all of it without allowing fear to write the rest of my story.
That declaration was not a denial of illness, a promise that nothing difficult would happen to me, or a substitute for medical care. It was a decision to meet my own life with greater awareness and intention.
I could acknowledge what had happened without assuming I knew what would happen next. I could grieve the people I had lost and still make room for joy. I could care for my health without living every day in fear of what might come. And I could begin to give myself some of the compassion I had so readily given others.
Learning to Love and Forgive the Woman in the Mirror
Another turning point came through an unexpected avenue: writing my book, Remembering Her Again: The Crown Doctrine for Women Who Know They’re Not Done Yet.
What began as a desire to help other women became part of my own process of reflection, healing, and growth.
As I wrote, I revisited the experiences that had shaped me, the childhood wounds, the expectation I had carried, the times I had put other first, and the ways I had learned to keep going even when life was difficult.
I began to see how easy it is for women to become so identified with their roles and responsibilities that they lose touch with themselves. We become the caregivers, the problem-solvers, the dependable ones. We learn how to show up for everyone else, but sometimes forget how to show up for ourselves.
My personal growth journey invited me to look at myself with new eyes.
I began learning to love and forgive myself, not because I had done everything perfectly, but because I was human. Because I had survived difficult seasons. Because I was still learning. And because I deserved the same grace and understanding I wanted for the people I loved.
Writing this book has reminded me that remembering who we are is not about returning to some perfect version of ourselves. It is about making peace with the woman we have been, caring for the woman we are today, and choosing how we want to live the chapter still ahead.
My hope is that other women who read my words will feel encouraged to begin their own journey of remembering, healing, and growth.
We cannot always choose what life brings us. But with support, time, and intention, we can often change how we relate to our experiences and how we care for ourselves moving forward.
Five Ways to Begin Caring for Yourself Differently
Emotional wellbeing doesn’t require a dramatic life overhaul. Small, compassionate practices can help create space for rest, reflection, and connection.
Listen to your body without judgment. Notice changes in your energy, sleep, mood, or physical symptoms. These observations can help you recognize when you need additional support. Persistent or concerning symptoms deserve medical evaluation.
Make room for grief. There is no universal timetable for grieving. Talk with someone you trust, seek grief counseling if helpful, and give yourself permission to feel what you feel without judging your progress.
Create moments of calm. Gentle breathing, prayer, meditation, time outdoors, or quiet reflection may help you manage stress and reconnect with yourself. Choose practices that feel supportive rather than demanding.
Practice self-compassion. Ask yourself, “What would I say to someone I love who was going through what I’m experiencing?” Then consider offering yourself that same kindness.
Build a circle of support. Emotional healing and physical healthcare can work together. Seek qualified healthcare professionals who listen to your concerns, take your symptoms seriously, and help develop an individualized care plan.
These practices cannot guarantee immune balance or cure an autoimmune condition. They can, however, help make emotional wellbeing a meaningful part of the way we care for ourselves.
Your Story Is Not Over
Today, at 71, I am embracing this season of life with a renewed commitment to my health, my purpose, and the woman I am still becoming.
I am learning that strength is not just about how much we can endure. Sometimes strength is asking for help. Sometimes it is allowing ourselves to grieve. Sometimes it is choosing to rest instead of pushing through. And sometimes it is looking in the mirror and remembering that we are still here, still growing, and still worthy of care.
My journey with long COVID has not been a simple, straight path back to health. It has been a reminder that wellbeing involves many dimensions of our lives, and that we deserve support for all of them.
I wrote Remembering Her Again because I believe so many women have spent years caring for everyone else while quietly wondering what happened to the woman they once knew, or the woman they still long to become.
I wrote Remembering Her Again because I believe so many women have spent years caring for everyone else while quietly wondering what happened to the woman they once knew, or the woman they still long to become.
If that sounds familiar, I want you to know something.
You are more than the losses you have experienced. You are more than the responsibilities you carry. You are more than the fears that may have followed you through difficult seasons.
You are a whole person, deserving of compassion, connection, and care.
We cannot change every chapter behind us. But we can begin to approach the chapter ahead with greater awareness, more kindness toward ourselves, and a willingness to seek the support we need.
And perhaps that is one of the most important steps toward wellbeing: to care for the woman in the mirror.
Your past is part of your story. It does not have to define every chapter still to come.
With love and a renewed commitment to remembering who we are,
Linda Loveless
Author of Remembering Her Again: The Crown Doctrine for Women Who Know They’re Not Done Yet